First off, I must say Merry Christmas. Like everyone else, I’m nursing a hangover from all the eating. There’s just something about the holidays that made eating, eating and more wanton eating so enticing. Our Noche Buena this year is considered simple, since we are only three in the family. On Christmas Day, A few guests came over to our house. Relatives you could call them and a lot of inaanaks of my sister and brother.
I was too lazy to get up off my butt and take pictures. But here’s a quick snapshot of my holiday meals.
I am extremely lazy still. Thinking about all the things i need to do it feels overwhelming and makes me want to crawl up under the covers and sleep or otherwise block out life. But whatever! ~awkward end~
My friend introduced me to this poem and I wanted to share it with you in case you haven’t read it yet. There’s an interesting story about how this poem travels even before the internet. But more importantly, the meaning of this poem touches me so deeply that I have grown to love this very much. Hope you enjoy it as well.
Please Hear What I Am Not Saying
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command
and that I need no one,
but don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
Walking past familiar faces and not having anything to say to them because they are no longer a part of your life. They were once so close to you. You talked to them every day and had a very strong bond until something happened that changed your whole relationship forever.
It’s saddening and very awkward to just smile and act like nothing is wrong when there is. All of the emotions you had from before, come rushing back and you remember the times you hang-out with them and did everything you possibly could for them. And to just lose them out of the blue.
This has been a very sad day and my heart is truly broken and I am crying as I type this. I pray for the parents, grandparents, siblings and families that lost someone to this senseless act of evil.
I personally believe the victim’s are now running amidst the beauty of Heaven at this very moment. But the grief of their families is still heavy. They now face a quickly approaching Christmas that will lack one of their family member’s shining face. Regardless of your beliefs or personal convictions, please keep everyone involved with this tragedy in your prayers. So, tonight, although I do not have a physical candle burning, I burn a candle in my heart for the human lives lost today.
So I’ve bought myself a little book of wonder. After coming across this book, Wreck This Journal, with my friend, we decided we had to have it! The thing that makes this book unique is explained within the title, and on the title page’s tag line; to create is to destroy. Essentially, this book is filled with instructions on how to creatively, and might I add, effectively, destroy it. I read through some of the pages, and sort of cringed. Certain things the author wants me to do to the book, is almost heartbreaking. Compost it? Shower with it? Scribble all over the cover? Lick it? Ummm, no. But the book does say that instructions are open for interpretation, so of course I will find another creative way to destroy this book without being completely ridiculous. Haha! I’m ready to go! I’ve already decided that this is going to be a lot of fun.
I’ll be updating as I complete the book. :)